Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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