god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
