I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
