Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
