Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
