She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
