You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
