I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
