I think my fart just growled at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
