that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
