I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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