I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
