White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
