I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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