you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
