I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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