I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
