you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
