Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
