McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
