I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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