bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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