Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
