Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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