Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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