I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
