im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
