i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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