High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
