8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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