hotel room ftw
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
