i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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