All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize