cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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