Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
