phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
