we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
