if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
