I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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