I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
