he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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