he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize