Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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