Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize