38 yer olds are good kisserssss
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
