I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
