Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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