Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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