Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize