Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
