I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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