the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
