I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
