K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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