I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
