He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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