apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
