Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
