Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
