So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
