woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
