How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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