Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
two words...techno handjob
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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