Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
