it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize