Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
