I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize