I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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