we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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