Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
