I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
